I'm sure we can all recall some events in life that didn't go as planned. I can remember a wrench getting tossed in the plan, falling short of my expected outcome, or the feeling that the universe wasn't going to have it go my way. I also recall the feeling of disappointment associated with these shortcomings.
I began to feel the weight of all these events piling up. I collected this negative energy and started casting a lot of self judgement about the way the situations went. I also began creating the idea that I am powerless in the way life goes (after all, I have all this evidence, right?). I would find myself wondering what could have been, I have failed, what do 'they' think of me, what do I think of me?
These thoughts, feelings, and emotions can be a heavy burden to bear when also having goals of creating a flourishing life. I can best relate it to having dozens of fishing hooks stuck in your jeans when trying to proceed forward. They are there and you take a risk of tearing your jeans or getting poked with every step. How on Earth can you look forward if you have to stare down. Let me tell you. It's hard....maybe even impossible.
Letting go of negative energy around life's disappointments became a super obvious necessity. "If I want to create a life I love, I must love the life I have lived"
It is vital to accept that you would not be exactly who your are if life didn't go exactly as it has. From there, you can generate grace to actually explore the way it has gone from a place of gratitude. It will also provide you the clarity necessary to explore the idea of completion. Completion is the concept of becoming complete with the way that something has gone so that it no longer holds energy in your life. Coming to terms with an event so that you can declare it complete for yourself.
On a smaller scale: declaring a task/project complete so that it occurs as finished. I.e., I hosted Thanksgiving, the Turkey burnt and we had to eat side dishes only. Some may hold onto that event as a complete failure for years that grows to 'mean something' negative about them as opposed to declaring, "Wow, what a laugh! Learned better for next time." and move on with it as 'complete'.
Grander scale: Failed relationship. I.e., "I was never enough for that person and I will never be enough for that person. It's probably because I (fill in the blanks of endless reasons we convince ourselves we are too much or not enough)" and try to 'fix' those things about yourself. You could chose be with the hurt that occurred. You could chose to close that chapter by exploring how life took you in a different direction than that relationship. From this space, you may be able to grant yourself completion and even gratitude that it went that way.
If your still with me on this concept, I want to share a personal example: I held a ton of negative energy around not having a child when I was married. I made it mean I wasn't good enough to be a mother. I felt so unloved. I felt like I fell short of my life's purpose. I even convinced myself I still had wanted a child even if I had to raise it alone. I made it mean I have to start over. I have to try to prove my worth again. I have to earn it when I should have already gotten that result.
When exercising completion, I explored everything about the way it went and developed gratitude that it didn't go 'my way'. I developed a sense of relief that I have a new chance to generate that result from love instead of performance/expectations. I shifted from suffering from a void to looking forward to the opportunity to recreate the story. I get a second chance at choosing my happiness. A second chance at surrounding myself in so much love that a beautiful new human is a natural result.
Needless to say, I feel pretty darn complete around not having a child in marriage that ended in divorce.
I began to play with the idea of completion in MANY aspects of my life. I began allowing myself to let go of the energy I am holding onto about the stories. Most importantly, I did this without the other party in the stories...because completion in not for them....they are not the one with all the hooks in their jeans. They are not going in the same direction as me. While at the time, I may have not liked the results or the way I felt in the interaction but the power of announcing it complete for myself has granted me access to new beginnings. I never truly understood how much of my past I was holding on to but letting go of it has truly allowed me to go for everything that is possible in life. It has empowered me as the creator of my life. I get to chose me, every time. I chose the experience that I know I want to be having. I get to detect when I feel something I am familiar with not wanting. I am also able to detect more of what matches my heart, purpose, and passion...and when I do, life as I imagine it falls in line right behind me.
Completion is a life coaching specific exercise that I am more than happy to share with those interested. If you saw opportunity for yourself, consider your heart is speaking as loud as it can. Quiet your mind and listen in, lover. To let go of your own negative energy, click here to schedule your very own completion call!
Written by Abigail Gazda
Liver of life and lover of love, Abigail has transformed her passion for education into a full-time career as a blogger, life coach, and public speaker. Author of Giving Up Giving Up: The Memoir of a Quitter, the transformative work she does invites people to live with intentionality and power.